TV is just the greatest invention ever ever. I watched on the ellen show about a woman who grew her fingernails since 1979. Gosh!!! 1979!!! She had claws…giant claws… Seriously, 33 inches long on each finger. That's monster-scary. And they were all yellow and gross but surprisingly not in the least bit brittle at all.
How does she do anything at all? For example, can she ever shake hands? I know I will never shake any hand like that. Plus, how does she wipe her ass after toilet? And how does she manage to dig her nose? She's like the real-life version of Edward Scissorshands. Won't those crazy claws of hers claw through anything erm, sensitive?! Imagine her carrying a baby… eew, she'll just skewer the child.
